GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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