okay pat passed out under dana's car
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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