This girl is more easily done than said...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
