Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He shit in the fireplace
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
