My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
