THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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