you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
