Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
