Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Can you repeat that, but with context?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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