There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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