He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
did i just pee glitter
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
