honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
