this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
