Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She told me I should be a condom model.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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