there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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