I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
