Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
