just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize