dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
