FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
