Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
my nose is crying tears of wow.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
