A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I need moral support for this bender
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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