omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
