Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
