Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
