just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
