I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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