Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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