Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize