I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize