dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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