she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize