so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize