he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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