Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
