broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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