Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
