can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
