happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
