I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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