after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
