I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
