All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
