Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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