Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
