Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
