Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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