I got chris browned last night
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You are a genius and a whore.
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