he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
