I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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