My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
