you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
