So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
