I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
