She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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