so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize