dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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