what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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