ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
