I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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