The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
