i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you had me at cake vodka
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
