Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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