just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
