There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
