so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
