My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
