TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
